Why do we even still have this thing?

“What’s that? Why sure, I’d love to visit some old time-y Japanese castles. Ooh, this place used to belong to an ally of Oda Nobunaga… says here he was killed in some important battle. Ah, that’s a shame – never got to see the day of a unified Japan.”

“…castles in France, you say? Oh, that’s gotta be interesting. Check out all the gilding! Man, the Sun King really knew a thing or two about tackiness. There’s less furniture than I’d have thought, is it all in storage? Burned by revolutionaries you say? Well, good for them.”

“Buckingham Palace? Sure, I can check out all the horrifying human rights atrocities they committed on people less white than themselves. …What’s that? Oh right, that is more accurate – atrocities they’re still committing. So who ended up lopping their heads off?

…NOBODY?

Wait… these poor dumb bastards still have a monarchy? Fuckin’… WHY?

Surely in these more enlightened times, even the most ignorant and patriotic Brit should at least have some inkling that getting to be in charge of an empire just by random luck of being born to the correct family is a ridiculous system. That the concept of a mere mortal somehow being better than everyone else by virtue of… am I reading this right? God’s will?

Oh good gravy, no wonder they’re still so delusional. I’ll bet they believe in trickle-down economics too…”

(Okay, but enough of that). Obviously, I’m a huge fan of the English royal dickheads, if you couldn’t tell.

The system is a farce, serves nothing bar themselves, and is an insult to any reasonable argument of logic.

“BuT tHeY eArN sO mUcH mOnEy ThRoUgH tOuRiSm”

Fuck off they do. There’s nothing these parasites can’t accomplish that isn’t done much cheaper and more effectively with an empty chair and a little plaque explaining who these self-important shit-stains *used* to be. They’re the same useless wastes of space as any other politician, billionaire, corporate whore, or similar “elite for the sake of elite” snobby prick. They add far less value than they extract. And (speaking hypothetically, because I know it’s tragically incorrect, but) you don’t see Joe Average bending over backwards to let political types or the CEO of “Evil Dickhead PuppyStab Inc.” fondle their genital region.

I’m sorry, but I truly thought we were better than this. Can we all get on with our lives free from deifying the ruling class?