Ooh, a bonus blog? How decadent!
So this is all thanks to a passing hypothetical question I saw in my travels. Essentially, the reader is given the choice between a skeleton key (phrased as “can open any door”), or one get out of jail free card. And being that it was a short, social media friendly blurb, it didn’t have time to delve into the minutia (minutea? Well that one’s getting the angry red “lol wrong” squiggle under it, so probably not) of the question. And that’s fine – for a quick hit-and-run hypothetical, it works well it enough. But… and here’s some real dangerous words you might learn to start fearing the sight of:
It got me THINKING
Let’s start off with the obvious hanging thread here – I went with the get outta jail card. Odd choice? Well… let’s get into that.
To me, the skeleton key represents a great deal of freedom… but it’s a freedom I personally am not given to being able to fully exploit. I am curious, for sure, but not what I’d call “problematically” curious. You know, the type of person who absolutely MUST touch that “do not touch” button. It eats away at them, compelling them to delve into the expressly forbidden.
I’m not that guy.
Generally, I see a “thou shalt not” on something, I’m pretty content to just pass on by. Curious, for sure… it would be interesting to see why I can’t do the thing, but I’m not forcing myself to dwell on it. The world’s full of mysteries, and very few of them are ever going to be satisfyingly answered… and that’s okay. So I go about my day as normal, probably just straight up forgetting about the earlier roadblock entirely.
So given the awesome power of a key that works on any door… I’m probably not doing much with it.
I figure… most places I want to go, I already have means to access. A skeleton key could be handy as a replacement for my other daily use keys, but I’m just going to be treating it as any other old key… and frankly, the times when such a key would be most useful to me – say for example I lock myself out of my house, chances are pretty high that the magical key is going to be right alongside the rest of them that are already out of my reach.
And maybe this is a touch of the old “copium”, but I see locked doors and employees only stuff pretty regularly, and I don’t imagine there’s anything too compelling behind them. It’ll be old boxed full of tax records, or like… some rando’s underwear drawer. Interesting, but devoid of value. In a net total sense, my life is more likely disadvantaged than enriched for the power of trespassing through random doors.
CAVEAT 1:
The question as posed described the magical key, vaguely enough as “opens ANY door”. So would this extend to metaphorical doors? Am I able to generate opportunities by holding onto this magicked item? How about networking and making connections with influential people? Or being offered an influx of knowledge either through traditional means or by instant attainment? Certainly, those can be said to be “opening doors” for someone.
Well in that case, the equation changes rather dramatically, and of course I’d be willing to take the key instead. Who could say no to a life generally blessed with the potential for an extremely easy ride. You’re pretty much guaranteed that second round of job interviews, or that first date, or that radio station happening to randomly dial your phone for a chance to play a trivia game. Seems exciting, and, if it’s something you can consciously choose to “activate” or not, wouldn’t be a major burden to your regularly scheduled broadcast of a life free from such wrinkles.
I’ve probably got more in the back of my head regarding the key, but we’re already onto paragraph 2 without much mention of the other option: the “get out of jail free” card. So let’s move on.
Now, a life of crime entices me far less than the prospect of opening random doors around town. So… why choose it? That’s refreshingly straightforward: it’s of more value to me in the instance where I *could* need it, rather than being something I would actively exploit.
Lemme explain.
I’m a peaceful fella – I try to do right by the law of the land (or at the very least, by my personal code of ethics and not treating my fellow lifeforms shitty for no good reason). I’m not likely to end up in a position where I’d need to be freed from the legal consequences of my actions. BUT, and this is a huge “what if”, in the event that events somehow align to see me face incarceration, it is untenable to me that I sacrifice my freedom in that way. I will not relinquish my life so easily, and being imprisoned is something I’m quite desperate to avoid.
If I ever need a skeleton key, it’s more likely for a mundane purpose. If I ever need to get out of jail free, then something has gone horribly wrong, and the ability to do so will be of immense value.
So that’s largely why I landed on it. I shouldn’t need to use it, but by the gods, it’s going to be a literal life saver if it’s ever warranted.
CAVEAT 2:
“Just use the key to walk out of prison, duh” – To paraphrase a counterpoint I was presented with. My response at the time boiled down to “but you’re just escaping the physical place, not the consequences”. A viewpoint I failed to adequately explain, and as such, wasn’t well received or understood (I assume, although it seemed pretty straightforward to me). Since that’s a failure on my part, I’ll try to clarify briefly here.
You’re in prison.
Prison is not just a room in a big concrete building, there’s all sorts of administration and record keeping that go along with it. Ideally, in most countries that have a fair and accessible legal system, you’d be subject to due process to make sure that your human right are being upheld, but that you have still been found to have transgressed against society, and need to spend a little time apart from it to reconsider your life’s trajectory.
Leaving aside my general distaste for the legal institution as a whole, and how the larger system is not one to be admired for various reasons… let’s pretend that justice in this sense is more distilled and pure. You’ve done something dumb that has materially hurt some other person, and you need to make amends.
End of the day, you don’t typically just wind up in jail randomly. There’s a series of events prior to that. That means if you’re already in a prison, there’s records to say that you’re supposed to be there, and for how long and what reason, etc.
You use the magic key to leave your cell.
Eventually, someone (likely a guard) sees your empty cell and thinks “hmm, that’s weird… the person that’s supposed to be here isn’t”. They raise the issue to whoever’s in charge, and more likely than not, they’re going to make an effort to find where you are, and put you back where you are supposed to be.
(And this is all leaving aside the more thorny logistics of walking out of a prison – namely that there’s typically more than one door, and likely people who are tasked with keeping you in there. A nonzero amount of them may hold weaponry to present an unfavourable outcome for failing to stay in prison as asked. Such a prospect was roundly rejected when I posited it previously, so let’s just assume everything goes perfectly.)
Like, best case scenario, you’re not in prison… but the justice system really wants you to be. And they’re much bigger, meaner, and better funded then you’ll tend to be, so it’s in their power to pursue you with some degree of persistence. Certainly, your life is about to become a lot harder to live in the same manner as you could prior to just walking away from the consequences of your actions.
You could argue that any further incarceration can keep being solved with the magical key… but you’re just compounding the problem. You’re going to get deeper and deeper into the consequences without ever resolving them. You’re making it so much worse.
So that’s generally why “just walk out” is… not the most advised course of action… unless the above mentioned caveat 1 is in effect, of course.
I don’t think I have any more to say on the subject. I chose the card, and I hope I’ve shown a logical reasoning for that.