Ladies, gentlemen, enbies, and any other lovely beans not yet included (I see you. Hi!) We gather here today for the public flagellation, shaming, and execution of one “Felix Meyer”. Felix stands accused of the crime of corporate cocksucking, brainless botting, shameless spamming, and perhaps worst of all, utterly failing to vibe check before spamming.
Yes yes, I know that these parasites don’t give fuck one about any repercussions of their actions. “Let’s just annoy thousands of randos!” Because it works. Because every few thousand attempts, some dumb shit will actually fall for this garbage and net them a shiny penny. So once again, under capitalism, it’s a race to the bottom of the barrel in pursuit of the only thing that matters. -_-‘
Well, as an extreme lover of all things greed, and first in line to shine the boots of my elite overlords who were just born better than me and are allowed to hoard all the resources on earth, lemme just say spambot, that you absolutely picked the perfect target to shill your shitty website, and I would be happy to liquidate all my assets to personally enrich you just out of the goodness of my heart.
(And if you still can’t detect sarcasm of that magnitude then there really is no hope).
Now I’m not a smart man – I don’t know how to program a simple “print: hello” without several hours of double checking my syntaxes and troubleshooting. I don’t have access to even a single hijacked slave account for my budding botnet… or so much as maybe 2 (at best) casual readers who I’m sure would be at a comparable level of technological competence. Also a lack of malice, I suppose. But by god, had I the means, I would make it a personal mission to check out your shitty website and melt it from the inside. With hacking. Or something.
Well with any luck, you’re some piece of shit based out of China or Russia or something, so hopefully your family gets abducted by your secret police and disappeared some time soon.
That’ll teach you to minorly inconvenience me.
But I digress. The accused, having hereby been found guilty of being a turd, does hereby forfeit any human rights. If you have the means to do so, feel free to grab a bucket of rotten produce and hurl it in the general direction of this spambot scum. The crucifixion will be scheduled at a later date, at such time as I get tired of them and/or need a replacement latrine pit.
Fuck off.